I found my Bill

If you’ve ever watched an episode of Bill & Giuliana you will know that they are one of the most amazing couples in the limelight.  Not because of their hard-earned fame but because of their incredible couple power.  They are both simple, genuine, loving people and incredibly humble, compatible, outwardly affectionate and hilariously funny.  Above all, they are real.  They cherish one another and are true to themselves.   Bill, who won  season 1 of The Apprentice is my ideal interpretation of what a partner should be.  He is  loving, caring, generous, attentive, supportive, (ridiculously handsome), and bar none one of the best male listeners and advice givers ever! Above all he is a positive person and an incredible source of inspiration…it’s no wonder he does motivational speaking for a living.  Ok…i swear this isn’t a promotional message for the show!

I had an interesting conversation with N last night that I appreciated so much.  I once read an interview for Julia Stegner in Vogue US in which she referred to her boyfriend Steven Pan saying she loved him because he cared enough to disagree with her and speak his mind regardless of how it might make her feel.  He was honest and true.  As a supermodel, I can understand why that would be refreshing when all men are naturally drooling over her, saying all the right things and making sure they avoided conflict at the risk of losing her.  Her words have always stayed with me..not that I’m a supermodel by any means!

Last night N confronted me with a brutal honesty that blew me away because I realized that this man who I’ve known for only a year knows me so well.  I have a tendency to over stress and with all the chaos and uncertainty around me today, it’s no wonder I have fallen into all my bad habits of being somewhat aloof, distant, whiny and perhaps even (unintentionally) selfish.  He called me out on my behavior but not for his interest but mine.  He felt that I was losing sight of the bigger picture and the success I have achieved and focusing instead on the little details that I have no control over.  He is my eyes when I cannot see.  Despite the major hurdles I have jumped awaiting this position, I have been a ball of negativity hanging on every thread of uncertainty and spinning it into a drama rather than focusing on the amazing journey awaiting me.

As he was lecturing me I found myself smiling to myself several times.  How lucky am I to have someone in my life who cares enough to fight with me for my own benefit.  Ever since reading that Vogue article, I have always wished to have a man who cared enough to speak his mind and say what was important for me to hear whether I liked it or not.  He is a man of many metaphors and I truly believe he would make an incredible motivational speaker.  He speaks concretely and with a passion and conviction that always renders me speechless…

In his words…“When you’re thrown into the ocean you can’t do nothing or you’ll drown.  Moving is living.  You cant be paralyzed by fear”  Indeed I have been.  I have been passive and as he would say “flighting” rather than “fighting”.  Paris is finally here.  I need to embrace this move and take control of what I want because ” you’re the biggest fish in the aquarium today and your aquarium is about to be poured into a river where there are much bigger fish…you need to decide whether you want to survive or be eaten by the bigger fish.”   I want not only to survive but to flourish and prove myself as I always do.  Why am I so focused on the uncertainties that await me rather than confronting my fears head-on like I always do.  It’s time to relinquish these fears and enjoy the ride…

Thank-you my darling for being the Bill in my life.  I love you.

(And for those who havent yet heard Bill & Giuliana’s amazing news, they are finally pregnant after years of trying.  You can watch a small snapshot of them reveal their happy news on the video above…)

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Love, Mama xx

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